Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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