Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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