What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
