Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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