I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
are you so shy because you have an std?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
