So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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