Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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