Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
