i always forget guys have bellybuttons
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
