While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
