Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize