he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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