so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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