I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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