Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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