Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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