Pappa wants mamma naked
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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