Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
