don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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