don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
