We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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