Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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