Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
