Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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