im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
