My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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