Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
