she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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