I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
