I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
