i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
