I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
