Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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