who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
