yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
another moral hangover. fuck.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
