How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
