singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
