Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
