sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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