Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
