I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize