I think I won the penis lottery.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
