I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
