if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
