this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize