onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
