i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
