I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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