Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
