I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
