so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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