I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
