I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
