i may or may not be watching the land before time
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
