I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Also, beer. Big fan.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
