Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
