: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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