I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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