I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
