this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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