apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize