My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
