This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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