At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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