miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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