i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
