maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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