Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize