They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
