Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
and she was petting her beer can
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
