I just made out with a guy for $7.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
