i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
