Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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