I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize