My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
