I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
