so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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