Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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