I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
