Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
