There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
