Where did you get a picture of my penis
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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