my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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