I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
