I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm passing your future prison.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
