im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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