he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
