im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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