can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
