You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
