Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
