my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
