apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
