I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
