Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think your dad took our porno
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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